(The adorable frost mushroom that my kids found on my kitchen window, they check to see that it hasn’t melted away every day.)Research into children and their modern stresses is going on as we speak and has been for a while. A paper is being written, and is currently under review, about some of the findings and what they may mean.
The author of this paper was sharing her thoughts today on the radio and I was amazed at the timeliness, in my life personally. I needed a good self examining of my parenting of late (always a good practice I believe). Am I giving in to the very non-beneficial social norms of focusing overly on pumping my kids up with the YOUR SPECIAL thing and disregarding the importance of teaching empathy? Am I pushing them overly hard to succeed at stuff like school or sports so they can GO FAR and I can feel good about it? Do I let them PLAY lots? Just play! Like kids!
Child anxiety is BIG, much bigger then it used to be and unlike other times in history it isn’t going down of late. In young adults it is actually growing all the time. They asked children what they are anxious about and not once did they mention finances, or enough money to take care of them (something I think a lot of adults worry about). The kids mentioned the unity of their family and the physical safety of their family. The researcher believes this is related to the fact that mental illness in kids and divorce rate are growing at the same rate. From personal experience I can see this relation since divorce really seems to be a lot of kids greatest fear.
Another large contributor they discussed was greatly related to EDUCATION… ‘What,’ you say? Education is a good thing… and it is but too much of a good things and… you are throwing up, to put it nicely. They discussed the overzealous ‘my kids is a genius’ trend among parents. Apparently most of the extra push to put these poor kids over the top isn’t working. Instead it is creating a less empathetic generation who is stressed out from a very very young age. Apparently it is called ‘shadow education’, when kids are put in extra stuff and put through extra stuff to increase their academic standing, when they are already successful (not talking here about children who need it because of learning disabilities and such). In the country with the highest usage of this parenting style (Korea) there is no signs that it helps.
When they mentioned how education is now considered THE only real way to really prepare your kids for SUCCESS my heart went in my throat… Sorry, for me that is where Jesus comes in… yup, love… that simple… They never clearly said it but it seems clear, once again, that kids NEED love to be successful in life.
Excuse me while I go hug my kids and make sure they know I love them… then I am gonna tell them to be nice to other kids (wink).
TTFN
I really, really, really enjoyed this post, Becky! Well written and such a good topic. I wish we lived closer and I look forward to being a great mom like you as my children get older.
This is a great reminder to Jesse and I to STOP ‘fighting’ infront of our children. I don’t have a problem with arguing in front of kids because I think it helps teach them about resolution, but what we do is not arguing. Thank you for your inspiration:-)
Love you!