Heard it said again today, in the context of learning to be slow to take offense and quick to forgive, that ‘refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the one who wronged you to die’. This is true.
As I look back at my history I see I was a person who poisoned myself for many years, collecting offences. I was convinced to prove how significant a wrong had been or how great it had effected me I had to hold on to it… which ultimately hurt me and made me more and more likely to wrong others, often in the ways I had been hurt in the first place. My first reaction, once I recognised this cycle, was to avoid people and punish myself… for after all I just kept being hurt and hurting others when in contact with them. This ridiculous attempt at control was selfish and fear based and lead to me becoming more and more out of control.
Thank God for his truth. An unforgiving heart is not too big for my great God, our hurts are just mountains… tell them to move on in Jesus name 🙂
‘And he saith unto them, Because of your little faith: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you’
~Matthew 17:20 (ASV)~
His truth started the healing by letting me in on the importance of forgiveness and that it is not hard, it is just unfamiliar until we start practicing it. Forgiveness is not hard if we stop fighting the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives and let him empower us to surrender the time bomb of suffering we are clutching so close… as if this time bomb is some valuable prize… There may be benefits to holding on to bitterness… like self pride and the idea that we are in control… but the pain and damage will eventually become bigger then the benefit we tell ourselves we have. Eventually I could let my hurts go faster and faster as I saw the freedom in it. Then I moved past the selfish reasons to forgive and was able to accept the truth that we MUST forgive and was able to read those biblical sections without being upset and frustrated by them.
I heard that faith moves mountains
I know it moves my feet
To follow you
And maybe I’m a mountain
Because it’s moving me
To follow you
~Audrey Assad (from her song ‘Slow’)~
I could go on and on about this subject but to keep it short, the thought that brought all this up was that I need to continue to grow in being slow to be offended. After all why would I take power over my life away from the hands of my faithfully loving saviour Jesus Christ and hand it to a person who is too broken to be trusted? What they say or think doesn’t define me, what Jesus speaks over me is the truth. What they try to do doesn’t require I respond with letting any part of me be driven toward the negative as they have been… example, I don’t have to let them ruin my mood or day… why would I let those who speak untruths ruin my day or week or identity? I need to increase in long suffering and patience with others as I can never stop people from behaving poorly but I CAN stop my reacting poorly in return.
Jesus taught us to bless those who curse us and to love our enemies with good reason. The loving response is how we keep them from overpowering us… We are never victims to another if we always remember they are but human and it is the enemy (satan) who is wrecking them and trying to wreck us. I am seeking Christ’s strength daily so that fear and offense do not again become familiar to me.
‘Before I knew Christ I had many mountains move into my life… I thought they were there forever..they crushed me…they limited my vision..they closed me in.. they were hard to climb…they prevented my leaving..But then Jesus heard my cries sent His Spirit and Faith came. Mountains that were solid were moved with ease. Now I inhabit WIDE OPEN SPACES…I am FREE.’
~Allan M. (my dad)~
TTFN
Always Mac an Rothaich
