Archive for April, 2011

Here (sixteen)

by admin on April 28, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful) with 1 Comment

Writing is a soothing process for me. Thoughts are collected, lessons are established, memories are recorded, thus in the process all the more cherished, and feelings are unraveled, sorted so the monster is taken out of the emotions. Sometimes sitting here and trying to write a post that makes sense just helps me make sense of myself. A good writing session and looking over the completed first draft I often, at that point, find the answers I need and find which of the above things I am working out.

LATELY! I am so frazzled. The most ordinary of tasks seem like too much unless I can do them one at a time… if only I had a one track mind! If only a mothers life wasn’t multitask required!

I want so terribly to cram every thing into a compartment and that control freak in me then wants it to all STAY there neat and tidy… but there is no such thing as orderly, or neat and tidy in a mothers world… not for long anyhow…

Jittery! I feel like I can only settle it all down and just breath in my own home, when it is a quiet time and place and… well… my job is for ever requiring BUSYNESS and there is rarely a dull moment around here let alone a quiet and still place to be had.

As soon as my husband is around I want to hide… ‘HERE, take the kids!’… I want to hide among the bushes at the side of the house or in the back yard under the guise of hanging more laundry or fussing with the garden… always looking for ways to doddle and prolong reentering the world that is mine… and yet… it is mine, this is it… if I could just settle down… I would remember I am thankful and this is a blessing and this is what I signed on for and I am okay…

I am tired.

Yes he is my living water and often times I find Jesus in refreshing places in my life… but right now I have no literal quiet place to go to… so… SO THANK GOD he isn’t limited to me finding a time and place. Thank GOD he is right here, the atmosphere, I just have to breath him in… breath… no need to try to find him or to try to get away from my real world… just breath him in… THANK YOU JESUS for being HERE!

TTFN

I Was Reminded

by admin on April 27, 2011 in Better Check Out Links, Bits Of My Personality, Holiday Messages, People In My Heart with No comments

I assume not wanting to write something on easter, about that holiday, on the actual holiday, because it is to be expected and what is to be said is likely well know, would mean I lean more toward not being a special day type of person. It would also have a little to do with the fact that I missed out on the special holiday church services because of an ill little one in the clan…

A simple internet search and I found an easter Sunday message to listen to. A reminder in the form of a pod cast was given to me…

…a reminder that this story at this time, about Jesus… his death, his resurrection… it is also my story…I am made alive together with him. He might be the prototype of what I will become but I can live in that now too…

This is a grace story. Everything that every religion is trying to accomplish Jesus accomplished for us already and has offered it to us as a gift… This act of Christs ended the law, religion, and replaced fear and works with love and grace.

This is a fellowship story. Christ broke all the divisions and we, The Church, are supposed to fellowship in him in spite of all our outward differences; that includes our denominations and our doctrines CHURCH. Christ is our peace, there should be no divisions in us.

I was encouraged and reminded to grow… grow in my understanding of this story that is celebrated specifically at this time, about Jesus and his death and resurrection. I was encouraged that it is indeed my story but also all of my brothers and sisters story… may we all find our faith in one another, the members of the body, faith that we can learn how to truly love one another… as Christ does… he has sacrificed so much for us to be able to do just that.

TTFN

A.A.Milne and Me

by admin on April 26, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Book Flavor, Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with 1 Comment

A.A.Milne, specifically his books of poetry for the very young, connects the women in this family of mine. My eldest daughter is reading through ‘While We Were Very Young’. She is focusing on a couple of her favorite poems to work on her recitation skills, in hopes that she can present some poems at a family gathering in the future. This is the first poetry book that really caught her interest and, largely, for the same reasons it was the first poetry book to catch my attention as a child.

The words roll off your tongue playfully and you can’t help but grin at the silliness. Oh how this father was so skilled at writing from the point of view of an imaginative child; this is the attraction to adults and children alike who cherish this author!

I felt great joy as I introduced this book to her. It brought me right back to the afternoon that I sat with Grandma and she introduced it to me. Christopher Robin’s prayer at the end of the book, ‘vespers’,was her favorite poem and both grandmother and I agreed with my mothers choice of favorite, ‘half way down’ was adorable and like jolly music when read aloud. As a girl I adored to sing talk the poem ‘hoppity‘ and now I find ‘teddy bear’ (the poem about Winny when he was still Edward) makes me stop and soak in childhood past. My daughter can’t get enough of the poem about the pet mouse and so this is the one she repeats with a cheerful heart.

It was Grandma who had also introduced it to her daughter (my mom) and although Grandma is gone I know a large part of the draw to this author; for my daughter, my mother and myself, is we have the pleasure in sharing this little bit of a book with Grandmothers memory.

TTFN

Victorian Tin

by admin on April 25, 2011 in Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Little Things, The Pet with No comments

I purposely look through any thrift shop I come across for Victorian looking art. That is why I spotted this tin wall hanging. The reason it ended up in my home was primarily because of the similar enough likeness the dog had to my dog. Nuff said, it is that simple.

(And this photo below would be proof that my two year old and my dog are starting to get along… I believe Riddick is receiving some cheerios.)

TTFN

I Was Reminded

by admin on April 25, 2011 in Better Check Out Links, Bits Of My Personality, Holiday Messages, People In My Heart with No comments

I assume not wanting to write something on easter, about that holiday, on the actual holiday, because it is to be expected and what is to be said is likely well know, would mean I lean more toward not being a special day type of person. It would also have a little to do with the fact that I missed out on the special holiday church services because of an ill little one in the clan…

A simple internet search and I found an easter Sunday message to listen to. A reminder in the form of a pod cast was given to me…

…a reminder that this story at this time, about Jesus… his death, his resurrection… it is also my story…I am made alive together with him. He might be the prototype of what I will become but I can live in that now too…

This is a grace story. Everything that every religion is trying to accomplish Jesus accomplished for us already and has offered it to us as a gift… This act of Christs ended the law, religion, and replaced fear and works with love and grace.

This is a fellowship story. Christ broke all the divisions and we, The Church, are supposed to fellowship in him in spite of all our outward differences; that includes our denominations and our doctrines CHURCH. Christ is our peace, there should be no divisions in us.

I was encouraged and reminded to grow… grow in my understanding of this story that is celebrated specifically at this time, about Jesus and his death and resurrection. I was encouraged that it is indeed my story but also all of my brothers and sisters story… may we all find our faith in one another, the members of the body, faith that we can learn how to truly love one another… as Christ does… he has sacrificed so much for us to be able to do just that.

TTFN

Cousin Buddy

by admin on April 25, 2011 in Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Little Things, Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with No comments

It is a good thing I know these two sweet cousins are good and well behaved together… otherwise I would be concerned they are sitting together hatching a plot. There is a lot of hand waving going on, many giggles being shared, emphatic gibberish being exchanged and it all adds up to TWO buddies having a good time together.

I have waited for this all winter! Endless time sitting on the front step, watching the kids play. Listening to birds singing. Smirking at the last bit of snow with no hope of lasting the day. Cleaning out my flower beds and showing the kids the little tulips peeking and the lady bugs climbing.
I have been waiting rather patiently, I might add, and as always spring is worth the wait!

TTFN

The Beard

by admin on April 22, 2011 in My Romance with 1 Comment

Buzzing, the buzzing of an electric razor is coming from my washroom. Husband is cleaning up his beard for the family dinner tonight; Good Friday will be marked by a dinner with his side of the family. Husband dear has a beard for my sake. We found a funny little compromise, if you will. He likes long hair on me (much more then I do) and I like thick beards on men so he is growing his beard out for the first time in our marriage and I am growing my hair out again. I have a big goofy grin on my face as I type this… I find it all too cute… this is a cute example of compromise in a marriage. It is sweet really… so sweet every time I look at his beard I feel romantically toward him.

Compromise in a marriage isn’t always this easy to figure out… not always this sweet to embrace… both partners aren’t always so willing to bend… and yet bend we must. The other day my husband hugged me and then said ‘Love isn’t love until you have to do the hard work. It isn’t a feeling, it is a devotion and determination when the promise of marriage is tough to keep,’ (or said something to that effect).

Marriage is, indeed, a promise not made because of a feeling, we all know IF WE ARE HONEST how very fleeting feelings are. It is a promise made to remember when we want to quit based on feelings… the promise remains when we don’t want to bend and work with our spouse anymore… it is there to make us remember this marriage isn’t for us or just about us but for and about our spouse and our children and our community.

I think I will wear my hair down, for dinner tonight, and put a flower clip in it… because he likes it that way.

TTFN

Romanticizing Memories

by admin on April 21, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Life Keeps Changing, Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with 1 Comment

No one had to tell me… I knew when I weaned my last baby that I would miss that stage of life. I had enjoyed pregnancy, birth, and nursing enough to know I would miss it, the nursing in particular… At first it was a hurt birthed out of fear of leaving the familiar behind. Now, with the advantages to this new stage in life obvious to me, the hurt has changed to a longing. Suppose it will always be a time of my life that has a sentimental and bitter sweet hurting to each memory from it. It would appear that I am getting close to being able to romanticize those years in my mind.

TTFN

Mental Fog

by admin on April 18, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest, The Pet with 1 Comment

Sunday night and I finally get to sit and write, but I am so warn out from a healthy busy weekend that my mind is running on empty. The other night my husband teased me that I was thinking about nothing and I informed him ‘that is only possible for men’… but perhaps I was wrong… Being mom 24/7 can wear me down to the point of fogginess up there.

I am starting to think a bit of fog is a good thing. Although I am getting much better at slowing my life down when it gets to be too much for me, I am not so great at doing the same in my mind. I love to learn, I love to read, I love music, I can keep my mind just hopping with information and I like it that way… but now and then a little fog makes me slow it down… one doesn’t digest it all as well if they don’t pause for a bit. Was it my mom who told me to eat slower? Sounds like her… ‘helps with the digestion’ sounds like the right follow up to that comment and so I relate this to my hungry mind and the idea of making good use of all I am learning. I need to digest the info, for info alone is pointless… application is all too ignored in the church culture of today.

The weekend was a weekend for the kids. So much time to just bless them and it was grand! This is why I am tired! Kids have an insatiable appetite for fun and adventure and to truly give them what they need; time, a listening attentive ear, and loads of exercise, old adults can be warn to the beyond tired point. Endless chatter, racing around and joyful noise followed me everywhere this weekend, in the form of four beautiful children and their dog.

On Saturday it all slowed down graciously for two hours, while the younger ones napped. The older two showed their mama some love by playing Lego quietly for the nap slot of the day and I sat on my chaise thinking about how much I love silence… well thinking right up until till I slipped into a delightful nap. Quiet is delicious and I wonder at the fact that not so long ago I was unable to be comfortable in it. As much as I love the dins of music, messages and more I crave quiet.

Though it is not yet a year old, I fear my favorite spot, the chaise by the window, will soon develop a permanent bum print. I flee there almost daily with anticipation… a mothers fatigue graces my mind with enough patience to be quiet… I sit…. I stair, up at the trees in my front yard and the blue sky above that, … and I eat up the silence.

TTFN

by admin on April 15, 2011 in Uncategorized with No comments

It was a struggle. I forced myself to sketch a couple different versions of the image I had in mind and only kept the one that came out easily. It was also the drawing most pleasing to my eye. The struggle was getting back into a hobbie I so greatly adore and having it be hard again. I had to remind myself that it is to be expected, I haven’t sketched in two years, after all. Well this strange feeling started from that little moment. I realized it is becoming easier, in many ways, to balance my domestic life and my personal life. In many regards I have stopped wrestling with the idea that my choice to be a stay at home mom colids and destroys so much of me… I have realised it was all just waiting and I only need to pick up the good stuff. Interestingly enough though I have also noticed through out all this that I am so much more happy in my role. I adore so much about my peaceful place at home (peaceful being more about me then in relation to sound and activity… there is plenty of sound and activity). I used to say ‘I LOVE BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM.’ and there was a bit of grinding teeth determination behind it… because I knew it was the right choice for me… but know I don’t just know, I really think I can see it. It is all coming together… I quite enjoy being a stay at home mom.

TTFN

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