All posts in Do I Call It Parenting Advice?

The Children Topic (Marriage Monday)

by admin on September 26, 2011 in Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Marriage Monday, My Romance with 5 Comments


I knew I wanted a baby. He knew he wanted a big family… and of course that starts with babies. We were both young. We didn’t live as a married couple for more then a year before we had our first child and so we grew up raising kids, in a way. I was ready…him… perhaps not so much.

The first think I noticed about children is they push you, to be more patient, to be more selfless, to sacrifice. They also push at moms and dads. It is easy to loose touch with your spouse once there is a new member of the family to get to know and to make welcome.

Marriages can be strained by the arrival of children but I think a sure fire way to avoid that is to be one anothers best friend. Garnet and I started out as friends and have remained best friends as well as lovers. Parenting made that more tricky and at first as he continued to do his young man thing we drifted apart as I did my young mom thing. The best thing we ever did for our marriage, during that time of life, was to start integrating him into every little thing in babies world.

By baby number three he got it, that there was plenty of things he could do with the baby too and the attachment becomes stronger faster for him the more he is involved. I also got it, to let him help and not be too controlling about how I wanted things done. He had to brave a world more familiar to moms perhaps and I had to share our babies.

Not only did this increase the quality of his relationship with our kids, girls and boys alike, but it brought back that best friend relationship between he and I. I wasn’t doing it all and he wasn’t feeling put on the shelf. We were working together, trouble shooting as a team. Conversation between us and time together was far more frequent as he became more a part of my busy baby filled world.

The marriage relationship should never be put on the back burner, even for the kids, because it will hurt them long term too if mom and dads relationship suffer. We found it can be tricky to find time and energy for one another OFTEN ENOUGH if you divide the mom and dad work strictly and traditionally. New mom and dads need to find their parent groove together. Don’t be too worried about how you always thought it should be and instead worry about being in one anothers day to day world. You are going to need one another!

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis

TTFN

Honest Family Meetings

by admin on September 23, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Dem Kids Sayed WHAT?, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest with 1 Comment
Honestly just be honest:)

(The family meeting assembly, even the dog is welcome to attend.)

We started having family meetings a few years back. It was instated as family habit when we realised the kids where old enough to get it, and we where all needing to talk about more as our needs became different and more complicated. Often they are called when we feel like the kids aren’t getting enough time to share with us… more often they are called when communication and cooperation have broken down between us and the kids and so we need to remind everyone of the rules and lay down some punishments when needed.

The meetings are always based around one statement that has been essential to running this crew and that is ‘we are a big family and MUST work together and help out so that everything runs smoothly and for the betterment of all.’ At the meetings everyone gets time to share concerns and just stuff… even our two year old… who usually just talks about Lightning McQueen or the adventures of some other favourite character. Everyone is allowed to say exactly what they feel before things are resolved and dealt with. We all practice sharing and also listening in this way.

Last meeting I shared that I don’t like birthday parties. To my surprise all the kids replied was ‘we knew that already mom’. I explained how I just wish we could come up with something that still makes them feel special but doesn’t involve so much expense, stress and creativity… I am not a creative birthday party mommy. The idea of a sleep over with one friend after a day of playing and a cake and present time came up and all the kids loved it.

Well that was easier then I thought it would be…

In a matter of minutes something I had been wrestling with for some time had been resolved. The kids then wanted to direct the meeting toward school stories they had to share. That was it! The conflict I had felt, the stress, the worry about letting my kids down was all washed away and I realised they where fine with the truth and so should I. Don’t have to be like all the party planning mama’s out there, who are gifted in that area. I am different; my kids know it and like that about me.

Why am I feeling like writing this today? Well I just survived my last planned and themed birthday bash, relying heavily on my husband to help me through it, and I am super happy it is the last. Keeping it simple from here on in:)

Feeling thankful for our family meetings, for open communication with my kids and for being different and having kids who don’t mind that at all.

TTFN

Smirk At Me WILL YOU!!!!???

by admin on August 23, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Four Little Eggs In My Nest with 1 Comment

So I had one of those days yesterday… the kind that makes me wanna trade in my kids for monkeys and have a rest… or QUIT and go back to work! “YOU think I am trapped here! I can quit if I wanna! …kinda… I CAN GO BACK TO WORK WHEN EVER I WANNA… kinda…” was heard at one point I am sure… in a raised voice…

“Don’t look at me like that! I can do attitude too!”

“TIME OUT!”

“GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

“STAY IN YOUR ROOM!”

“STOP ATTACKING YOUR SISTER!”

“DON’T BITE YOUR BROTHER!”

“Get that out of your mouth! NO, put it in the garbage! OH GROSS!”

“Oh for Pete’s sake WHAT IS THIS!”

“YUCK! You are grossing your mother OUT HERE!”

“GET DOWN!”

“STOP ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR AND SSSSSSSSTTTTOOOOPPP SCREAMING!!”

“… oh bother… no one is listening are they…??”

I was out of breath before lunch…

Today was different though… I thought of everything I could take away AND I DID and then, cuz they where still smirking at me, I hatched a plan. I woke my kids up at dawn, even the littlest two, marched them out to the breakfast table with a smile, feed them and gave them the schedule for the day… a strictly laid out schedule involving plenty of chores…

Funny but they’re in much better moods today and no one is attacking one another or mouthing off to me,

…and I am still smiling.

THOSE DAYS do end:)

TTFN

Updates and TIME

by admin on June 25, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Dem Kids Sayed WHAT?, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful), The Jogger Within? with 1 Comment
(SUMMER!)

I am not accustom to catch up posts, but with the death of my personal computer I have been left with no choice but to put a little update up and do the best I can with borrowed time on other persons computers.

Things have been up and down in the health department. I am currently finding it a struggle to get into the specialists I need to see, because of how unusual my birth defect is, most doctors don’t seem to understand how it works or what it is exactly. HOWEVER, I have been able to get into the specialist for my families genetic disease and that is a big relief. I can honestly say I have a next step and plan to get things done that need to be done for me and that is a long way from my overwhelmed feelings and dread of the idea that I might have to be a squeaky wheel.

With school wrapping up just around the bend I am so very pumped about summer. We have been finding plenty of excuses to get outside, from meals on the patio more often this year to going to more community events. We just got back from an art sidewalk sale in a near by neighborhood. It made for a lovely weekend afternoon for the kids and I. I had just got back from a run and had more then enough enthusiasm to head out with the kids for the majority of the day.

Speaking of my run… ah it is a lovely part of my life right now. I find I bound out of bed on the days I get to run at the river with my girlfriends. There is so much activity down there, it is so beautiful, it just inspires me to get out more, in our city. Today was special because I have been pretty sick for a bit and couldn’t get out like I enjoy. It felt extra good to get out there. I opened my runners shoe box and smiled. I sighed as I said, under my breath, “I missed them.” The house was all still asleep, or so I thought, Garnet heard me and snickered I am sure… I like my running shoes and so I suppose I am becoming a passionate jogger.

As I was waiting in the back yard for my ride I heard a window open and saw a little face peek out at me from his bed. “What are you doing mama,” my oldest boy asked?

“I am going for my run dear”, I couldn’t get over how cute his sleepy face was.

“Oh yeah. Are those your new shoes” he asked with a wide eyed look?!

“Yes. Do you like them?”

“They are so cool” he sleepily said with a nod.

I was keenly aware of the example I was setting for my kids, thanks to his and my little exchange. Mom being active has become a regular thing for my children now. They expect me to have a long hike or run early every Saturday. My parents where both very active outdoor sportsmen and hard working farm folk so I had an excellent example growing up too. With our city lifestyle I have had to find a very different way to set an example for my crew, but I am glad I have found it. Not that their Dad isn’t a superb example too. He is an avid mountain biker and a dedicated road bicyclist. I hope they will find healthy activities that they enjoy and can make a regular part of their lifestyle.

A little bit by choice, and a little bit thrust upon me, I am thankfully pulling back lately. I find the city life hard, but I am focusing on making it work for me, instead of me working for it… I am learning about how much I need personal space and CALM mom and kid time… like what I had back in the day, when we lived in a small prairie town. I am learning more about myself and my kids all the time… while I take the time… and I am enjoying time NOW!

TTFN

Part of My Job Is Knowing

by admin on April 11, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful), Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with 3 Comments

“Quite well, thank you, how are you today?”
I always answer,
I always tell them,
If they ask me
Politely…
BUT SOMETIMES

I wish

That they wouldn’t”
from a poem by A.A. Milnes called ‘Politeness’

Part of my job, as mommy, is knowing when it is all getting to be too much, and that you are only falling apart because you are in need… in need of time alone, in need of a hug, a drink, some food, or in need of things going your way just once in a while.

When I rush you in spite of knowing that ‘you need’ I rush you because I am rushed and, by golly, I am always disappointed when this happens… disappointed that I am rushing, that you are being rushed… when it hits me that you just wish the whole world and all its ‘to dos’ and ‘must dos’ would go away, I too wish it would all go away…

I wish that we would be left alone to just console one another…
rubbing one anothers backs and talking gibberish,
left alone to squish bugs on the front step,
oblivious to time while we share a snack.

A reminder to myself to put the daily chores on hold when my actual purpose needs me. My children are my purpose… my husband is my purpose. My house will wait and full fill its role whether it is dirty or clean. Christ is honored when I am able to choose the better way… relationship always trumps tasks.

TTFN

Be Well

by admin on March 29, 2011 in Dem Kids Sayed WHAT?, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Mama Heart Mushings with No comments

Dear little daughter, I am sorry you are ill today… sorry I made it about me the moment I realized you where going to loose your breakfast. It didn’t ruin my day to stay home with you, it just changed the day. Today is about you getting better.

I keep peeking in on you and sigh with thanks that you are sleeping comfortably long into the day. You managed to keep some food and drink down, and took your medicine like a gem. You amaze me with your ability to smile at me when you are sick. As I tucked you, once again, under the blue patch-work quilt we both exchanged love you’s and I felt the shame about being selfish in my reaction this morning slip away. You feel no ill will, just ill tummy and I love you for it. Be well little lady… be well daughter of mine.

MY GIRL –“Mama I think I am sick.”
MYSELF — “Where is your sick honey?”
MY GIRL –“Right here in my belly button.”

TTFN

Forgiveness (thirteen)

by admin on March 19, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful) with 1 Comment
(Riddick has nipped, my little fellow has punched… and yet they keep working on their relationship.)

When my children engage in fighting and hurt one another I ask them to forgive one another. They always want to know why… what is in it for them? I remind them that the other does love them and it is worth forgiving to keep that love whole. I remind them that the other person is more then the wrong they committed and worth the pain it takes to forgive them. I remind them they don’t have to prove how wronged they where by holding on to it, length of time brooding doesn’t prove how bad it was. A long held wrong only continues to hurt the one who holds on to it, the most and the more. “Is this the hill you want this relationship to die on?” and they always look at me… “Another words, is this issue more important then your brother/sister?” The answer, thank the Lord, has to date always been no it isn’t as important as him/her.

I, me thinks like most other adults, struggle with this when faced with times to forgive… all the more when loved ones are the culprit, when loved ones are the victim or when fear is involved in the hurt… I pray by teaching my kids these ideas about forgiveness young they will not struggle as we adults often do… I pray by teaching this I will indeed learn it myself…

I am not so proud that I assume the wrongs I have committed have ever been less then those committed against me or that my wrongs where easier to forgive… I am not so naive as to think I will not be in need of forgiveness from others in the future.

I just find it hard… I just find it scary… I just keep on forgiving and pray for forgiveness my way. I just keep letting the tears come as I remember what my forgiveness cost my God… how he loves me in the depths of my unloveableness… when I am messy… when I am ugly…. He loves me, Jesus forgives me… AND I AM SO THANKFUL FOR FORGIVENESS!

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.
~George Herbert


TTFN

a THIS day (twelve)

by admin on March 8, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest with 3 Comments

I am a mother,

that is why I was finally able to get dressed up nicely and will still not be going anywhere this morning.

I am a mother,

that is why my two year old is yelling ‘I wanna booger’ and means I am to clean up his super sized sneeze.

I am a mother,

that is why my oldest child breaks down and picks a fight most mornings on her way to school, she knows she can trust me to still care.

I am a mother,

that is why my oldest son tries to lie to me and I see right through him and he can’t help but tell me and I punish him for the lie and hug him for the truth.

I am a mother,

that is why my husband took our only vehicle to work today, told me to have a relaxing day, while my four year old threw up in the kitchen.

I am a mother,

that is why I am so very thankful for the days when there isn’t a cold or flu in the house, thankful for the opportunities to get dressed up and make it out and thankful when I do have the family vehicle at my disposal.

I am a mother,

that is why I will find the opportunity to enjoy quiet time, slow time at home, catch up clean up time, read a book time today in between boogie rescues, flu bucket clean up and extra hand washing.

I am a mother.

I signed up for this and so much more… but today is about the ‘this’.

TTFN

The Curlers

by admin on March 7, 2011 in Dem Kids Sayed WHAT?, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Little Things, Mama Heart Mushings with 1 Comment

These three dainty little photographs of my teeny tiny four year old tug at my heart. She is so sweet and pretty and full of joy in them.

When I put them in she was thrilled and apparently thought the curlers where the hair style itself. “I look beautiful!” she exclaimed as the last curler when in.

“Oh honey you leave them in till your hair is dry and then you take them out so you can see the curls.” I explained.

She looked at me very seriously and responded “Oh.” I could tell she was a little disappointed at the idea of removing the strikingly red curlers… “They match my dress.” she said.

All was saved when I suggested a little photo shoot while they where still in. I have to admit, I suggested this partially to cheer her up but also for my own pleasure. I couldn’t get over how cute she looked with all her hair up in curlers.In the end she took them out too soon and her hair was full of body but not curly… and yet that didn’t matter to me. We had such fun together doing this and she was so sweet in the curlers the result didn’t matter. I know for sure we will try this again, since she is such an agreeable little patron.

(I have to point out my dear four year olds cheeks! She has always had the sweetest and plumpest cheeks.)

TTFN

New Tea Party Recruits

by admin on March 3, 2011 in Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Foodie Like Me, Little Things, Mama Heart Mushings with No comments
(Yes they drink their tea by the tea spoon full, not very refined, but I will take what I can get if it will get more tea partiers in my corner!)

I am pleased to announce on a particularly miserable day near the end of February I was able to finally convince my two little men to tea party with me.

Coconut sugar sweetened rooibos tea with an abundance of cream was served with crackers and melted cheese on top. By simply melting the cheese upon the crackers I also convinced my two year old to finally eat cheese and crackers! A grand day of victories. Amidst a blustery blizzard-y day I shared food, drink and sweetly calm conversation with two of the sweetest little men I know.

Here’s to tea time with the boys!

TTFN

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