All posts in Feeling It (Thankful)

Thank GOD for Mercy! (seven)

by admin on January 17, 2011 in Better Check Out Links, Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful) with 1 Comment
(Who are those two kids with their first kid!!??)

We all develop emotional habits that effect our behavior. Certain situations create emotional reactions in us and those emotions can lead to other emotions and it can all become a nasty habit.

I have been a person who reacts to much in life with anger, in an attempt to keep down and protect my real feelings. I later reprimand myself to the point of depression for angry outbursts. I was SO THANKFUL to listen to a message today that once again directed my attention away from the I to the HIM. I am writing this out in hopes that the simple yet brilliant truth that hit me during the message will remain, stick, that I will GET IT.

We can learn so much from our babies… children come sign sealed and delivered with the ability to accept love and the wisdom to not turn away mercy.

So I get angry, so I am not perfect, so habits seem so strong they threaten to define me… I loose sight of all the Lord has to offer me through my bad behavior, MERCY being the biggest gift I forget about and then squirm about receiving. Mercy comes in and I need to get over myself. It doesn’t matter how rotten I have been I need to ignore my prideful pull toward making it right and being good on my own and let the Lord clean me up, forgive me and grow me into something beautiful. It isn’t about how much I screw up, it is about how much he loves me.

When I brought my babies home I loved them because they existed. I loved them into growing. No matter how rotten I can be the Lord loves and that is the beauty of mercy. Jesus Christ loves me into growing.

P.S. Here is the link to the sermon I heard today, RIGHT HERE… I hope to go through it again as my kids where pretty noisy for a large portion so I feel like I missed out… the mommies reading this aren’t surprised by that at all, he he he.

TTFN

Gorgeous Rest (six)

by admin on January 12, 2011 in Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Little Things with 1 Comment

I sat with a cup of tea, reading. My youngest two sat on the floor playing calmly.

With great joy exclaimed aloud Little Woman popped up like a jack in the box and ran for the window. A large flock of birds had taken flight. Wee little birds where they, and adorable, as they danced around the berries on our neighbors tree. Baby Boy soon followed her, stunned a bit, as I was, by her interruption of our afternoon repose. Pointing, ooohs and aaahs followed the interruption. As the birds settled my babies drew their attention to the hoarfrost that had coated everything outside. Little Woman saw so many shapes in the frost and wanted to tell me about them all. On went the chatter until she was distracted by her hands and Baby Boy by his toy car. They slid down the couch and again embraced the idea of a repose. I returned to my tea and thought about how I would record this lovely moment because it was, in fact, just so lovely!

Repose, temporary rest from activity, excitement, or exertion. This is the way my afternoons often are, just before the oldest two burst in the door from school and shatter any hopes of such a quiet atmosphere reoccurring until well after bed time. As a new mom I found all the repose hard to take at times but with four children of varied ages I now cherish it and realise it is temporary oh so temporary. I want to enjoy it enough that I am not desperately disappointed when it is shattered too quickly for my taste. I want to savor repose and not waste a moment.

I am keenly aware of the value in still times, quiet times, times of rest today and so I am very thankful for repose. It is a gift in a hectic world to be at rest. Thank you Jesus for times of rest in my life! May I always make use of them.

TTFN

Warning, Not Making

by admin on January 9, 2011 in Better Check Out Blogs, Better Check Out Links, Do I Call It Parenting Advice?, Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Mama Heart Mushings with No comments

Watching your children face consequences is so very painful, so important for that child’s healthy growth but so very hard for a mommy’s heart. As I start to let my stubborn child face up to choices made I acknowledge this is a very new and scary place for me as a mother.

Always available to tell you the better way my love,
to help you find it,
but also to let you learn… insist you face consequences
and to love you any ways.

I didn’t think I would move out of the young stage so soon… it is hard to acknowledge that I physically can’t prevent my kids from all harms and bad choices anymore… that even though I still have preschoolers my older two are far beyond that stage and onto bigger things that are so much harder on my mind and heart. I can warn them but unlike my babies I can only MAKE them to a point now…

Following my mom’s wise advice I will be praying so MUCH for my children, so much more now even… it is so easy to pray for them when they are sweet babies and tender children but as they move into more ornery stages I hope I will be all the more disciplined a prayer warrior on their behalf.

I am moving beyond my comfort level as a mom already, LORD protect my heart!

Note: This section added January 10th.

P.s. Found this phrase, LABORING OVER LOVE or love laboring, and it hit me that that is how I have been feeling, in regards to my babies… Found it at the link above.

The author shared a concept that you never stop laboring over your children… painful but necessary and oh so much a part of love… I needed to read that… and just breath.

She seems like a very thankful lady so I must look into more of her writing as I work on a year of thankfulness myself. Right now I am truly thankful for her article and her concept, for it has calmed me down and helped me see the strength in being a mom, in being one mom among so very many, world wide, who deal with the pain of loving children all their days…

TTFN

Anger For Thankfulness (five)

by admin on January 6, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME with 1 Comment

In my experience, spend years pushing down feelings, perfecting numbness and you will be left with panic filled anger, rage really. This type of anger is unique and powerful because it appears to be an effective shield.

After getting scared enough to begin letting go of my numbness I started putting more trust then I ever had before in the Lord; trusting him to take care of me in all my states of mind and heart. What a gift… and that truth clicked for me…came wrapped up with a bow the last time I had a public… moment.

At a study I had broke down in tears. I settled myself down and then said, for myself as much as or perhaps more then for them, ‘I would apologies but that would only come out of my pride and fear of appearing weak and needy… Truth is I have spent too long breaking out of numbness. This… this is a gift.’ The ladies around me smiled and accepted that… I sat there clinging to hope that I believed it too.

Today I am deeply thankful for feeling and for the Lord breaking down my walks of numbness before I broke myself permanently with it.

This came to mind today as I shared with a friend my fears about learning thankfulness this year. I do see thankfulness as a God given strength, when authentically from the heart…yet I have confused anger with strength and a shield for so long that feeling called to put it down to make room for thankfulness makes me feel vulnerable…

I sat thinking about this idea of surrendering anger. I was surprised to find in myself the trust was deeper then the pride and I was indeed deeply thankful for the Lord breaking down that final wall that always threatens to shut me into the trap of numbness again. I am so very very thankful to dispose of numbness and this prideful anger. Most of all I am so very thankful to trust that the Lord can continue to handle what spills out of me as a result.

TTFN

New Years 2011

by admin on January 1, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest, My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME with No comments
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Our new years eve was eventful in a parental style. Stayed in and watched a movie with the kids, made them home made hot chocolate, enjoyed some alone time with their dad till midnight and then got up early to take our Baby Boy in to the doctor because of asthma issues. Yup, eventful parental style.

Time to think has been a little scarce but I think I feel a year of learning to be thankful coming on. THANKFUL, is my word, if you will… Why? well I deserve this word, I have entitled myself to loads of angry times in life these last few years… when things got tough I got grumpy… and I have learned there is no strength found in an angry spirit… simply a soul stuck in a self dug hole… I desire that strength that comes with a thankful heart and I ready my heart to learn…

To kick it all off I have already started a habit of writing about things and people I am deeply moved in thanks for. We shall see how it goes from there.

My year of sacrifice was painful. I learned true sacrifice rubs up against all the human heart desires. It goes against our nature to sacrifice and yet as soon as we do there is a freedom and a weight lifted. If I was already a thankful sort I would say I have been very thankful for the self discipline I have learned and for the opportunities to sacrifice… but if I was a thankful person already this coming year wouldn’t be a year of thankfulness would it!? As with every year passed I feel like in spite of it being a long year and a very eventful year I have so much more to learn about my new year word gone by… I feel strangely fragile about the whole idea of sacrifice still…

This was indeed a year of big things; my dad’s cancer and my two sisters finding us are tops of that dramatic list. Praying for growth in the fruits of the Spirit in 2011 and wishing you all a blessed new year!
TTFN

Her… Thankful (number four)

by admin on December 29, 2010 in Feeling It (Thankful), Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with 1 Comment
(My eldest daughter and I singing a carol we learned together, our x-mas gift to my husbands extended family.)

9 years ago today she was her Daddy’s and my little miracle.
We owe the transition to parenthood to her entirely.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL!
Happy birthday ‘Eldest Damsel’!

A strong personality from early one has insured this Mommy and Daddy had to really work at being good parents. This personality has proven to be a gem and year after year Dad and I see more of that gem of a woman growing up before our eyes.

I am absolutely thankful for my Eldest Damsel!

As we worked on our Christmas gift performance of the carol ‘Little Donkey’ I was moved by how much I cherish the relationship we are working on, her and I… we are working on it, both putting the required effort in and both reaping rewards in it as we continue. I thank Jesus for my relationship with my Eldest Damsel and with big hopes for the future I trust our relationship in the hands of my Saviour… as I have trusted this daughter of mine in his hands since she began to grow in my belly…

TTFN

Her… Thankful (number four)

by admin on December 29, 2010 in Feeling It (Thankful), Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with No comments
(My eldest daughter and I singing a carol we learned together, our x-mas gift to my husbands extended family.)

9 years ago today she was her Daddy’s and my little miracle.
We owe the transition to parenthood to her entirely.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL!
Happy birthday ‘Eldest Damsel’!

A strong personality from early one has insured this Mommy and Daddy had to really work at being good parents. This personality has proven to be a gem and year after year Dad and I see more of that gem of a woman growing up before our eyes.

I am absolutely thankful for my Eldest Damsel!

As we worked on our Christmas gift performance of the carol ‘Little Donkey’ I was moved by how much I cherish the relationship we are working on, her and I… we are working on it, both putting the required effort in and both reaping rewards in it as we continue. I thank Jesus for my relationship with my Eldest Damsel and with big hopes for the future I trust our relationship in the hands of my Saviour… as I have trusted this daughter of mine in his hands since she began to grow in my belly…

TTFN

Sentimental At X-mas (who would have thought it?)

by admin on December 26, 2010 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), Holiday Messages, My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME, People In My Heart with No comments
(Taken Christmas day, a very warm WHITE Christmas!
I am wearing my mothers red dress coat, bought for her by
her father in law years ago.)

Who has flip flop feelings at Christmas? I sure do! Most of the memories I am making are down right lovely (the up side of the flip floppy heart) and yet there are always memories to reminisce and sigh about, others people to think about who are struggling or don’t have it so good.

There are also choices to be made and although I chose to stay here this Christmas I was also tugged when asked by a loved one from my husbands side if my folks where coming in for the holiday. With loved ones going there way and other issues in life they where not, nor was this unusual or normally an issue for me. The issue was the choice I had to make. If you let the hype get to you, about how Christmas is supposed to be, you will also miss the real deal… what it is actually about and so I swallowed that flip flop when it came and had a good look around me.I was surrounded by precious loved ones. I was more then blessed by generous people who care. Friends and family from my side did in fact find their way into our reality this holiday(as well as all the in-laws who are so good to me and so willing to be part of my world) and so I am not going with out. I am just another woman who has a heart that can easily flip flop on the most lovely of days.

The skype with my one older sister and her daughter was joyful, the phone call to my oldest sister was rewardingly warm, the weekend visit before Christmas with my younger brothers family was fun and important, the list goes on and on and includes a few surprise visits and gifts from dear friends and neighbors…Ideally we would all like to go home for Christmas, have ALL the family together at once but really if it has to be that way this time of year and we don’t worry about it for the rest of the year that is the great lose. May I make time for my family and friends all year round and may it be so sentimental for me despite the month or season.

I am so thankful for the sentimental stuff of life that makes us think about how we really value loved ones…I am thankful for any time, whether in person, on the phone or skype, with my family and friends where we get beyond chit chat and really put it out there that we care for one another! Praise the Lord for a whole nother year to love and be loved by PEOPLE.TTFN

Confidant Thankful (three)

by admin on December 20, 2010 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), My Romance with No comments

We aren’t perfect at it but I am so very very thankful, particularly tonight even, that my husband and I are one anothers confidants. We talk LOTS and listen more to one another. The communication is so very high on our list that we fight for it.

If I didn’t have him to confide in, bounce ideas off of, or to just seek encouragement from I don’t know where I would be today. For your open heart, that is willing to hear it all and think about it all and work on it all with me I am very thankful! Thankful to you and to our Lord Jesus Christ for seeing fit to put us together forever.

TTFN

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Thankful (two)

by admin on December 16, 2010 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), The Pet with 2 Comments

Baby it’s cold outside!
This dog and I have true grit though, still going out on our regular jogs each day and our weekly prairie hike each Saturday.

My mom was taking note of how active I have been lately and she reminding me of how sick I was when Baby Boy was, well, a baby and how little strength I had only last year. I have come a long way baby! So thankful that this year I can be out in this weather, hiking and sledding and skating and cross country skiing and hopefully snowshoeing this year too. I have become very enthusiastic about outdoor time. I really think it is largely because of how hard the last few years have been with my poor health and how very happy I am to not feel like that anymore. Thank you Lord for strength. A Mama needs a serious good dose of it that is for sure!

P.S. A little under a year ago I put up a post that was full of hope for such a time in life. Kids are getting older, I am getting physically stronger. This year has brought what I hoped for back then, to read that related article CLICK HERE.

TTFN

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