All posts in Feeling It (Thankful)

Beyond Myself

by admin on February 17, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), My Romance with 2 Comments

In the moments of intense emotion how can we remember that it will be okay afterward? Beyond myself, as I fought, I heard a voice encourage me… do not sin in anger, you will not let this root deep… love, love, love… and I looked at the man that draws the most powerful emotions out of me; who pushes and yet holds me close in the strongest way I have ever experienced in the flesh and I see my best friend, my beau… that young gentle man I fell in love with, that young inexperienced, yet determined, dad that I fell more in love with, that spirit who is always growing in Christ whom I love beyond my own abilities to love… and I felt the calm in the midst of the storm… I love him, I forgave myself and I thanked the Holy Spirit for his still, small voice of reason and hope.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis

TTFN

My Artistic Side (eleven)

by admin on February 9, 2011 in Adventure and Me, Better Check Out Links, Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), My Romance with 5 Comments

I listened to a speaker a while back and had used her idea to encourage a friend of mine to see herself as an artist and to enjoy her art, to engage her artistic side fearlessly… So easy to be generous to others in that way! The concept was we have all been taught to doubt our artistic side, to compare it and thus hide it… believing it never adds up too art. She believed it was healthy for EVERYONE to explore and enjoy their artistic side, to call it art and express it because that is part of being us.

(The producer.)

Garnet would never say it but I think he is finding me a bit on the ridiculous side. He is being very patient with me this time round, as I take my time warming up to the idea of being involved in music again. I don’t want to go for the mainstream feel so here is what I decided to do to get my feet wet again… hymns… we are going to work on the hymns I learned last year and started with one I know really really well to just get me going.

He put it up on his myspace and I guess that is when I became ridiculous. I asked him to leave it up for my mom and dad cuz I knew they would love it and not judge but then when I heard he shared it with a couple friends I insisted it COME DOWN. It’s nerves okay! I didn’t used to have them when it came to singing but I also always did it live and that seemed different… recording and hearing your own voice is kind of unnerving, I don’t think I have ever really listened to a recording of myself before.Anyhow, this is a project for my man and me. I really do love him and love doing this with him so here is the link to our first version of ‘Fairest Lord Jesus’. I am putting this subject under the label of romance because I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to enjoy my artistic side and under my adventures because getting back into music is just that, a big adventure for me. I haven’t always been thankful for the pull at my heart to engage in artistic expression… it was often a stress to me because of low self esteem. Today, lately, I am honestly very thankful for my artistic side, just as I have been very thankful for others artistic sides for years.

TTFN

Testify (Marriage Monday)

by admin on February 7, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), Marriage Monday, My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME with 8 Comments

I have always attended church…was raised in a little conservative fellowship chapel. Made a commitment to follow Christ at 14 years of age and became part of a charismatic group. This choice was birthed out of years of emotional struggle and pain. A feeling of insecurity at home and at school left me feeling unhinged. The climax was when my Grandpa died. Living as a regular member of my culture held nothing for that volatile adolescent me… I wanted out and thank the Lord he found me before I completed my own solution.

Salvation was a choice of desperation… I felt I had no other choice at that point in life. Perhaps this is why I had no real idea what this choice really meant and for many years I mostly saw it throw selfish eyes… as if the relationship was for me and my benefit…Christ was a part of the puzzle and along for the ride…church was a place we where commanded to attended and might get a good high from…

I am now in a place where I question how much I have really counted the cost of following Jesus Christ. Have I really left it all to follow him and given up my self in true worship? Is he my life or just a piece? Do I invest in the body of Christ, The Church, or just attend a church?I am looking at breaking out of another cultural norm, feeling as if I need to go beyond the limits of comfort that the north American church has set for me… wanting more.

I found it strange to share my testimony at this time in my life, because in some ways I feel like I am at a point of greater transformation then when I said that initial prayer in tears. I used to go into great detail about the sad little me lead to Christ and the fire-y little me that followed the sinners prayer but now I am feeling like I must not allow myself to stay there. I am desiring more growth then I have thought necessary or possible for the last several years of my Christian walk.

I am truly thankful for the beautiful and the painful lessons that I have experienced. Wouldn’t trade in a single experience that has made me who I am today. Excited about what the future will hold. Desiring to grow in love always and I am seeking to live for Christ NOW.

LINKS to related posts RIGHT HERE and RIGHT HERE.

First Monday of every month at Chrysalis

TTFN

Testify (Marriage Monday)

by admin on February 6, 2011 in Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), Marriage Monday, My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME with No comments

I have always attended church…was raised in a little conservative fellowship chapel. Made a commitment to follow Christ at 14 years of age and became part of a charismatic group. This choice was birthed out of years of emotional struggle and pain. A feeling of insecurity at home and at school left me feeling unhinged. The climax was when my Grandpa died. Living as a regular member of my culture held nothing for that volatile adolescent me…

I had no real idea what this choice to be a Christian meant and for many years I mostly saw it throw selfish eyes… as if the relationship was for me and my benefit…Christ was a part of the puzzle and along for the ride…church was a place we where commanded to attended and might get a good high from…

I am now in a place where I question how much I have really counted the cost of following Jesus Christ. Have I really left it all to follow him and given up my self in true worship? Is he my life or just a piece? Do I invest in the body of Christ, The Church, or just attend a church?I am looking at breaking out of another cultural norm, feeling as if I need to go beyond the limits of comfort that the north American church has set for me… wanting more.

I found it strange to share my testimony at this time in my life, because in some ways I feel like I am at a point of greater transformation then when I said that initial prayer in tears. I used to go into great detail about the sad little me lead to Christ and the fire-y little me that followed the sinners prayer but now I am feeling like I must not allow myself to stay there. I am desiring more growth then I have thought necessary or possible for the last several years of my Christian walk.

I am truly thankful for the beautiful and the painful lessons that I have experienced. Wouldn’t trade in a single experience that has made me who I am today. Excited about what the future will hold. Desiring to grow in love always and I am seeking to live for Christ NOW.

LINKS to related posts RIGHT HERE and RIGHT HERE.

TTFN

Transforming Worship (ten)

by admin on February 2, 2011 in Better Check Out Links, Feeling It (Thankful), My Year of Right Sacrifice-TIME with No comments
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
ROMANS 12:1 (NIV)

Been involved in more conversations then I can count about what worship should look like… To be honest I am really tired of worrying about music and service style. I feel like praise is what often happens on Sundays but I am not convinced worship has a regular place there, not the worship Paul expresses… I still don’t understand our current church cultures idea of worship. Thus I have been craving a clear definition and as you go through Paul’s teaching he lays out worship as not a song and dance thing but a LIFE SACRIFICE thing. Being able to trust so clearly in the love and mercy of our God that we willingly offer ALL OF US in true worship.

By dwelling on this truth and then going through a journal of mine from a few years back I was able to see a pattern in my walk that has held me back…

MY CHRISTIAN WALK WAS ON REPEAT!

Influenced by the church culture I came into when saved I was a high seeker. Selfishly viewing church and all possible Christian experiences as for me and my spiritual mountain climbing benefit I was completely missing the boat! It took many many ups and downs; dry patches or apathetic patches and then flying high experiences for me to grow tired with this rat race… Looking back at my scribbles in my journal I am even more horrified at the futility of it all.

Thank God he started pulling me out of my comfort zone! I was comfortable with deja vu!

Today I can honestly say I am looking for lasting consistent joy or happiness in all circumstances and I like to think that even back then that was my goal. What I lacked was an all consuming relationship with Christ. I wanted to drive and he was a passenger… I would only start to give it , or more honestly, bits of it all up to him once I was again bludgeoned with my own shortcomings! That isn’t worship! That is about me still!

This was my way not Christs. In order to grow Christ requires ALL. He requires my true worship as the message puts it; ‘Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.’

So what now? Well Paul covers that in the following verses in Romans 12. A wealth of opportunity to break bad habits and unlearn incorrect lessons. This true worship of my Lord will lead me to the place where I can understand his will in my life and will be able to willingly follow him.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. ROMANS 12:2 (the message)

Worship is sacrifice and so I think I finally see why last years word was sacrifice. I am thankful for Christ’s changing power in my life and thankful that he loves me so much I CAN trust and lay it all at his feet.

P.S. Link RIGHT HERE to the last message in a transformation message series, check them all out! I hope to go through them with a fine tooth comb because I have come to realize there is so much more to becoming and being a Christian then saying a little sinners prayer. I am SO ready for this!

TTFN

One Year Ago! SO THANKFUL! (nine)

by admin on January 29, 2011 in Better Check Out Links, Bits Of My Personality, Feeling It (Thankful), People In My Heart with 4 Comments
(My Dad and his eldest daughters.)

My family grew by 8 in one day! My sisters found us and with them we gained their husbands and two nieces and two nephews! It all started with the call Kathleen made. Then there was a search on facebook and I spotted a photo of Kathleen and Amber and just knew. We all took our turns contacting one another. Yes we where all a bit stunned but there was also a tone of being thankful; it was time.

(There they are! MY FOUR SIBLINGS! Funny thing about this picture is I am pretty sure Jesse is the tallest of the five of us and he is sitting while the other three try to look like the tallest!)

(ALWAYS wanted sisters!)

Amber joined facebook and as I helped her walk through that we got to know one another more. I still will scroll and scroll back to our very early communications and sit and read in wonder. My heart will probably always swell with thankfulness when I think of their families being part of my life.

(Kathleen and Amber catch up on their big sister duties, poor Jesse…)
(Amber being a bossy big sister… well actually we where playing some ridiculously embarrassing game the first time we got together, to help lighten the mood I suppose! Too fun really!)
(Sibling love, at our first rock concert together! The first rock concert is very important when getting to know family!)

What a wonderful way to be reminded to be so thankful for all the members of your family, even the ones you have always known and had regular contact with. We always knew we where a crew of five kids but to go officially from the three to the five was a dream come true.

Related link RIGHT HERE:)

TTFN

Childhood (eight)

by admin on January 25, 2011 in Feeling It (Thankful), Four Little Eggs In My Nest, Mama Heart Mushings, People In My Heart with No comments

I was trying to get a nap in after a very busy weekend when I opened one eye and spotted you fishing from the couch. Totally in another world, your world, you where very determined and dedicated. Apparently the blue paper fish was a real fighter for you struggled and complained ‘Come on, come on!’ as you reeled it in. The fish appeared to be crying as you took it off so you smiled at it put it back on the string and returned it to the water. This game went on and on and you where oblivious to my gaze so I had time to find the camera and snap away. Many of the pictures captured your concentrated pucker expression that I love and all caught a piece of this little moment of beautiful childs play.

I have the chance to watch you grow and to enjoy being part of the world of a child again thanks to you. Thank you Jesus that my kids have had many years to just be kids!

TTFN

Dad and Fire

by admin on January 23, 2011 in Feeling It (Thankful), People In My Heart with 1 Comment

Picture three older fellows, early 60s, standing in the village post office, side by side, hands connected in a firm manly shake. All three have cancer, two of the three are no strangers to it, and they are blood brothers as well. The fellow with the snowy beard and fiery spirit is encouraging them though he is the newest member of this club called ‘living with cancer’. They are on hospice, look it up, that means the doctors are done. These men are making a pact of hope and faith, that they will have this same meeting all together a year from then…

And they shall…

Many times have I heard my Dad talk about the concept of passing through the fire… he was often talking about the day of judgment but we all know we pass through fires in this life too… pain, struggle…

My Dad’s cancer has gone into remission. After the operation there was talk of another lump but when he came down for his latest check up it was gone… GONE… I keep my write ups about my Dad short… my Dad and his cancer even shorter… there is only so much one can say… PRAISE JESUS is in order.

I wish the blessings of a long life of walking through those fires with victory, in Jesus, for my Dad.

Dad quotes:

“The Lord has been able to give me grace toward a lot of people who don’t know how to deal graciously with me having cancer. Especially those from the church.”

“It is only a miracle because it doesn’t happen on command or very often. My cancer is in remission and I am hopeful to get the three score and ten years the Lord spoke of in his word. Anything after that, even one day, cancer or not, is bonus. Now if you will excuse me I gotta go fishing.”

TTFN

Dad and Fire

by admin on January 21, 2011 in Feeling It (Thankful), People In My Heart with No comments

Many times have I heard my Dad talk about the concept of passing through the fire… he was often talking about the day of judgment but we all know we pass through fires in this life too… pain, struggle…

My Dad’s cancer has gone into remission. After the operation there was talk of another lump but when he came down for his latest check up it was gone… GONE… I keep my write ups about my Dad short… my Dad and his cancer even shorter… there is only so much one can say… PRAISE JESUS is in order.

I wish the blessings of a long life of walking through those fires with victory, in Jesus, for my Dad.

TTFN

The Story That Sums It Up

by admin on January 21, 2011 in Feeling It (Thankful) with 1 Comment

So much of what I have been studying lately pushes me to own my part in the world and then to accept Christs mercy… to not waste time with blaming, admitting what I don’t know about the big stuff in life… This story came to my attention AGAIN and it so simply sums up what I am chewing on.

“When the TIMES invited several eminent authors to write essays on the theme “What’s Wrong with the World?” Chesterton’s contribution took the form of a letter:

Dear Sirs, I am. Sincerely yours, G. K. Chesterton

Chesterton here combined wit with a serious point – that of fallen human nature and humility.”

May I take this idea as a jumping point and not be so angry about things that come my way but to think beyond myself, having empathy for others and trust in Christs ultimate goal. May I live love here and now, with the understanding that it isn’t a perfect world but the perfect way to prepare all of us for the perfect world to come. I feel like this is a big step on my road to being a woman of thankful heart, a woman who is not in denial about how hard life IS but has happiness in her Lord through its ups and downs.

TTFN

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